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(no subject) [Jul. 14th, 2007|01:43 am]
[mood |curiouscurious]
[music |goo goo dolls-hold on]

I haven't had something to write about for a while.

After going on a date with an ex I was..enlightened and disgusted a bit by society.

Commitment seems like the ugly vise which shows a strong person from a weak person. And when it comes to commitment you either have the stones to put your mind to something or you never learned how.

Meet a girl, smart as hell. Could do anything she wants in the world, but is afraid of committing to someone,something, and idea...that it seems like she will never go anywhere in life.

Is this something common with a lot of the general population? Maybe that explains why some people are so flakey.

Whatever happened to being a stand up person? Whatever happened to people where were not afraid to put their mind to something? Where have the heroic figures of mythos which we grew up reading about and hearing about? Did they just never exist?

Maybe I am the only one who isn't afraid, if thats the case is it my job to tell people they are cowards? That seems like a really sucky job.
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Yesterday... [Jun. 30th, 2007|11:45 pm]
[mood |complacentcomplacent]
[music |Lady Madonna-The beatles.]

Love, its funny. A little bit ago I got a message from Darja. She wants to still be friends. After getting everything out that needed to be said it came to a point of no return. I told her I would think about being friends with her after everything we have gone through.

Part of me still has feelings for her. She flaked out on me two days before I had to take the LSAT, when I was a nervous wreck. In my mind I have always made my choice. I do not think we will be friends after all this.

The hard part about this is, she was one of my longest relationships, she was a fun relationship and I was good to her. My heart says to take friendship and her and will get back together. But my soul says stop. That it is better to let it be. Its so hard to do that though, and yet here I am doing it. And in taking this route I feel so much better.

There are two people that I really know in this world. Those whom stop when they realize they are in too deep; And those whom realize they are in the deep press forward-trying to see how far they can go, and if they fail? die? lose everything they had? It doesnt matter...what did matter is that you didn't give up, you did not hope that a safety net was there to catch you when you fall, or in this case fall back on the hope that once the relationship is done you can still be around to pick up the pieces and try to make something out of it...

I think one main part of my problem is that I am looking for love. I feel like im in that part of my life when I had so much to give and have so well of a foundation that im ready to share them with someone. Problem is the process of doing so is a long epic battle of break-ups and lessons in love that it takes someone with a strong heart and will to endure the road ahead.

And at this moment with Darja I realize that I have to take the harder road, I have to just call it as if it were a person dying on an operating table. I cannot cure the person. Do not revive. The more difficult and more daunting task which will require herculean will is the ability to tell yourself that you will move on. That there is a better life ahead of you, and to keep a hold of the past will only hinder you from realizing that you are valuable. You are worth so much more than what you have now. And that goes with everyone.
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(no subject) [Jun. 19th, 2007|07:30 pm]
[Current Location |work]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |none, fraud calls]

So I found out I can use LJ while at work, great way to kill time now I guess. Why is it when I break up with a girl like a ba-gillion other people declare a relationship? Frustrating to say the least.

This weekend I went to new orleans and spent the weekend with Adam. He looked like a hobo when I saw him so I forced him to get a haircut. From there we stayed with Anthony's old lady's (his roomie) friend Hersh. His parents are awesome and fed us crab every night-could you ask for more?

I also built a house for Katrina relief, now THAT was worth the trip. It felt good to do something which is now a part of American history.

Well that's it for now, I have to get used to being single again.
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woooooorkers! [Jun. 13th, 2007|02:12 am]
[Current Location |omaha]
[mood |drunkdrunk]
[music |the temptations-pappa was a rolling stone.]

so basically at the momment I am very drunk. Its the day after the LSAT so this can be expected of me to be this boozy. So far I have played five different drinking games and I am still kind of tispsy reeetro....Well okay maybe not that much because I just tried to make up a new word.

However after downing the last of mexican beer I had the honor of wearing the beer rings as if they were handcuffs. I kep screaming out "Woooorrrkkkeerss! i wanta work the jack-hammer at a highway site!" Hilarity ensued.

god im drunk. I want to listen to the temptations for the rest of the night.
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signal flare [Jun. 12th, 2007|12:21 am]
[mood |chipperchipper]
[music |snow patrol-signal flare]

You know life has its ups and downs. For the past months I felt fear. Like real utter fear...for a 50 page test? Silly? You betcha.

Let me update life for you. I graduated from college, I work in the fraud department at the nations 13th largest bank, I am seeing a German girl who vanished on me three days ago, and I just took the LSAT a while ago and I feel a lot better.

I almost had an even worse panic attack at the test site. After time was called I noticed that I did not bubble in one of my answers all the way. So being reasonable about it I raised my hand when test were being collected and asked "hey, will this one count? I didn't fill it in all the way and I know time was called, I just want to know if its fine or not." Every point counts. The test center man told me just to ask the head test person/lady/she-beast at the end of the exam. So I did. It kinda went like this:

(another person who took the test ahead of me with a different question)
girl: So I accidently filled in too many bubbles, can we just erase them so it doesnt screw up my answer sheet?

she-beast: You were trying to erase them after time was called?

girl: yeah I figured it would be all right.

she-beast: Well, no. We can't fix them, and I am also going to write a warning notice to LSAC which will go on your record that you did not follow directions properly

girl: okay...(Walks out crying her eyes out-no really. like flat out bawling)

*I walk up*

me: I just wanted to see if one of my answers will count for being filled in properly.

SB: Did you fill it out after time was called?

me: No.

SB: are you sure?...did you?

me: No, I just want to know if my answer is valid.

man who picked up the test: He followed all the directions, he did not write after the test was called.

SB: .....I need to talk to my manager.

me: Um, am I still getting written up for asking this question? I don't want to change the answer or fill it in more, I JUST want to know if that will count.

SB's manager: Yes that will count..and you wont get a warning. have a nice day : )


she beast you almost made me shit my pants.


Working in fraud is really fun...and now I must go to bed so I can call people to tell them that someone is using their money over in India.
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(no subject) [Jun. 11th, 2007|12:14 pm]
[Current Location |Omaha]
[mood |Relentless]
[music |rob thomas-little wonders, followed by say anything-I wont let them take you.]

Im fucking back. And im also taking the LSAT in 15 minutes.
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(no subject) [Oct. 5th, 2006|01:43 am]
sometimes, I get very anxious. Like I am right now. I feel like, I want to connect to someone, have a deep moment with another person but at the same time I feel myself holding back. I feel like if I get out of college, that feeling will go away. But I also feel like if I get out of college there will be another thing to hold me back, another invisible wall that I keep running into. I just need to write. I need to escape through this tiny text box and write down all my thoughts. Thats what teresa told me to do. Maybe I should listen to her a lot more. You know, after looking at my photographs I have found a desire, a need to try something greater. I need to try film cameras more. I think I could work with them quite nicely. ah who knows? Maybe I am getting ahead of myself.
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(no subject) [Sep. 22nd, 2006|04:34 am]
I dont know if its the weather or if it is myself, but I have this odd sensation that I am an island. Contrary to the idea that no man IS and island. I miss companionship, I find myself lacking in it every time I look out a window and see a couple walking hand in hand. Call it envy but I too one day wish that I was like that, able to sholder the conflict management ideas of a relationship, able to have the personal battle of mutual agreeance by that of my own personal opinion. I want to one day relinquish the said control of my life to someone else who is not part of family. That soul connection would indeed make me very happy.

On a side note, I wanted to tell her so baddly how much it ment to me to call me by my actual name and not a nickname. Not something whispered by a crowd that admire me, but does not know me. Its funny, her one act of calling me Andy/Andrew made me feel good that she did so. And at the same time I have no idea how to tell her all of this without sounding like im serious, which would be an instant deterant..instead I have to pray that my brain doesnt show and keep myself in the stage of being the funny one.
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two weird dream ideas that just might work. [Sep. 20th, 2006|11:03 pm]
(Open scene of a bunch of guys in a basement, like a social club or something)

Steve: All right guys, I call this meeting of G.I.G.O.R.C.O, otherwise known as guys intrested in girls of other races and culture only! So tim, do the role call.

Tim: Right, steve is here, I am here, dave is here, and the second tim is here. Has anyone seen robert?

Tim2: (stands up) Robert has informed me that he is currently at the eskimo olympics trying to pick up some how igloo lovin.

Steve: That lucky bastard, I would kill for a date with some of that fine native american ice culture...oh a man can dream. So what is the current status we can report?

Dave: (stands up) First, have we all enrolled in our japanese, russian, and german classes?

(group as a whole puts on silly hats of the respective languages, tim2 puts on a berret)

(Close up on steve's face in utter dissapointment)

Tim2:(looking around anxious) what...?

Dave: You asshole.

Tim2: what?

Dave: You damn asshole, how could you? didnt I tell you french girls were two weeks from now? Huh? That was the plan! We all enroll in japanese, russian and german and make it with hot chicks that look like ashley simpson from their prospective countries and then we make our way to conquer the french babes. Huh?! Dont you want that fine french loving?!

Tim2: Guys im pretty new to the group but...how many of you have actually had girlfriends from other cultures?

(no one raises their hands in slight embrassment)

Tim2: And...has anyone ever sucessfully dated a girl from another country?

Dave: UH-hello? thats why we're here, so we CAN do that.

Tim2: Well, did it ever occur to you that...maybe these girls know they you're just adopting their culture to get in their pants?

(uproar of speaking one person endding with "Poppycock!")

Tim2: Besides, how many times DOES THIS ACTUALLY WORK?

(All go silent except steve)

Steve: Yeah? well I dont think you're loyal to our cause tim! There are plenty of sucess stories! All around us! we've made it with exotic women you could possibly dream of! Dave, tell us about that time to took salsa lessons and snagged all those spanish chicks!

Dave: Um, actually I just said I was GOOD at making salasa and hung out in bars on the southside...they tied me up like a pinata and "banged" me with bats.

Steve: Hahaha, such a joke! What about that one time you bought all those mangas and animes and had japanese girls FLOCK to you?!

Dave: Actually...it turns out those girls tricked me into going onto a japanese game show where turtles pee'd on me if I could say the japanese alphabet backwards...

Tim2: Why cant we just go after american girls?

(uproar with poppycock ending it)

Steve: Yeah, sure. lets just do that, hell tell you what, why dont you tell that to robert as he puts the smooth moves on eskimos huh? He's the only member left thats got any dignity!

(Robert opens the door, falling down onto the floor with three harpoons in his back and a white flag with a letter on him)

Tim reads it: "Dear club, look, we get it, you just want to make out with exotic chicks. Please stop or you'll end up like free willy here."

(Silent moment)

Steve: See boys? this is what I call flirting...these exotic women are ripe for the picking
(Harpoon is thrown and nails steve in the arm)

Steve: Whoop!....m..all right, we're done here.
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(no subject) [Sep. 18th, 2006|11:44 pm]
whew, what a day. For the most part ive been in a sick daze of trying to wake up. I slept all over campus today. Between classes, found a spot, took a nap. repeat.

My immune system at the moment is being an ass. Hurry up and get rid of this cold.

I woke this morning to the sound of my fire alarm needing its battery to be changed. So instead of fixing it at that moment I slept on the couch in the basement. Meanwhile my dog has found his new hiding spot under Adam's bed. I wonder what he does under that bed?

I have also downloaded all of the artic monkeys songs. I am a proud fan to own the song "who the f*** are the artic monkeys?"

bed for me, the cold meds are calling.
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